There is no greater virtue a person can have to foster spiritual growth than humility, and no greater poison than self-deprecation. It has been surprising to me how intertwined and confused these two very different concepts have become. As an almost humorous phenomenon, self-deprecation seems to have taken over from an “I am more humble than you are” contest in religious social-status struggles. Despite the cause, telling the difference between humility and self-deprecation is both a relief and a wake-up call to those striving toward holiness.

Self-Deprecation is a lie, manipulating both yourself and others.

There is a lot of “I” in self-deprecation. “I am a bad person”, “I am not worthy”, “I am not important”, “I am worthless”, etc. Ironically, those who think they may be practicing humility are very self-focused. An attitude of self-deprecation is manipulative, and is ultimately used as an excuse for avoiding responsibility. “I can’t do that, I am not talented enough, smart enough, experienced enough”… and so on. It can also become a way to defer responsibility to others under the guise of humility. “Oh, you should be in charge of that, you are much better than I am…”

Allowing the confusion between self-deprecation and humility to fester in a church or religious organization has it’s own painful consequences. Too often, people who show confidence and courage in their ministries are rebuked as being “arrogant” or “prideful”. Since self-deprecation is easier to impersonate outwardly than humility, people will use it as a way of “one-upping” others in political situations.

Pride is not the opposite of shame, but it’s source.

Using the word “pride” in a sermon is like using the word “Nazi”, everyone agrees it is bad and you can unify an audience quickly by speaking against it. However, the knee-jerk reaction people have to pride is shame. “If I don’t feel bad about myself, I must be prideful.” This attitude is all flavors of wrong.

The truth is, someone who is truly humble and has no pride, does not feel shame. To be truly humble is to have a clear view of our reality. To follow Christ, one accepts the duality of both being a sinner and the potential to be holy. How can someone who has already acknowledged their sin, and committed themselves to pursuing holiness, stumble into shame when their sin is revealed? We do not pursue holiness because we are worthy but because Christ has enabled us to do so, how can we then concern ourselves with our worth?

Those who have pride want others to see them better than they really are, and shame is experienced when our real selves are exposed.

True humility brings joy, liberation, and draws us closer to others.

“Truly, I say to you, unless you repent and become like a child, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like a child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:3-4

“Those who are indifferent to praise or blame have great tranquility of heart.” – Thomas a Kempis

Yes, we are all sinners, but that is whole point of Grace. If we were constantly tied to our past, what hope have we to grow? Parent and teachers want their children to grow, to learn from their mistakes, but most of all to move forward. What kind of child would come from a parent who constantly reminded them of past mistakes? All of us who love our children care little for their mistakes, but are passionate for their successes. God views us, His children, in much the same light.

So why then does Scripture speak so much about the importance of humility? Humility is important because it is all part of becoming “like a child”. We accept that we do not know everything, or much at all, so that we can be supple of mind and not ridged when life throws unexpected things our way. We accept that we are sinners and that we are forgiven so we are not crushed as our faults are exposed in our pursuit of holiness. We listen to others because we respect them.

The truly humble are unshakable. They cannot be shamed because they have no false self-images. They cannot be discouraged when they make mistakes because they expected them. They cannot be stagnant because they love instruction, and always know they need to learn. They cannot be taken advantage of because they have no ego to stroke and pay no heed to the insults or complements of others. The humble live only as seeing themselves before God, and no other opinion matters. They are never content to stay put but never frustrated with their progress.

The humble experience great joy because life is a challenge and they are no longer in their own way.

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